Digital Junkies or Cyber Royalty?

Are we fighting the wrong battle with our kids' screen time?

We often hear the complaint: "Kids today have no attention span!" But when I brought this up with a Gen Z teenager, she fired back: "Then make it interesting for us instead of blaming us for being bored."

Good point.

We love to lament about these "screen addicts," but what alternative are we offering them?

The digital playground: more than just scrolling

What are kids (and, let’s be honest, adults, too) doing on their devices? Gamers experience the thrill of battle, the joy of victory, and the camaraderie of teamwork. They build cities, dig tunnels, go on treasure hunts, visit friends, exchange gifts, steal, loot, and forge alliances — in short, they live full-fledged digital lives.

And yes, there's also the endless social media scroll as a vehicle to escape the present moment.

"How do I get my teen out of that virtual world?"

A mother asked me this recently. My answer? Simple: Offer them the same things they find online, but in the real world—only better.

We want to rip kids from their screens, but what are we giving them in return? Recognition? A sense of belonging? Security? Confidence? The thrill of achievement? The rush of victory? Loving presence?

Are they really that lazy?

We often hear that this new generation wants everything handed to them without effort. But that’s just not true. Any gamer knows how much work it takes to level up and how many failures they endure before unlocking new abilities, skins, or weapons.

When they enter the workforce, they'll already understand that hard work leads to rewards.

Maybe they have the advantage?

What if the kids choosing virtual worlds over traditional play today will have an edge tomorrow?

They will live in a digital-first world that will feel alien and even threatening to us. Just like early 20th-century farmers must have looked at telephones and harvesting machines with suspicion, we might be clinging to an outdated view of reality. If you don’t believe me, let’s talk again in twenty years.

If the future is going to be even more digital than the present, wouldn’t it make sense to help our kids thrive in that space rather than pulling them away from it?

The problem? Parents and schools are hopelessly behind in this domain. Even now, some of you reading this are thinking, "What nonsense is this?" Because we grew up differently, played differently, and loved different things. We feel like Gen Z is from another planet—but maybe we are.

It’s their future, not ours. Let’s not pretend we know what skills they’ll need there.

The harsh truth

The future will belong to those who are most comfortable in digital spaces. Disagree? Let me remind you that just a few decades ago, knowing how to use a computer was a competitive advantage on a job application. Now? It’s as basic as indoor plumbing.

What world will today’s newborns grow up in? And when we tell our kids, "Get off your phone," aren’t we harming their future prospects?

Rethinking "real" skills

Most modern young men don’t know how to replace a thermostat in their car or handle a woodworking plane (unless they’re professionals). In twenty years, maybe the measure of a "real man" will be his ability to write a line of code. And there is a good chance that "good moms" will need the skill to establish a good relationship with online school AI to help their kids.

That little girl being told to "put down the phone" today might be a digital Einstein in the making. Maybe we are stifling a future Marie Curie of the metaverse?

The great escape

Let’s be honest: Smartphones didn’t create the desire to escape reality; they just provided a new way to do it. When I was a kid, my escape was devouring every science fiction book I could get my hands on. If iPhones had existed back then, I probably would have lived inside one 24/7.

So maybe the issue isn’t the screens themselves, but our desire to escape in the first place.

The right question

Instead of asking, "How do I reduce my child’s screen time?" maybe we should be asking, "How can I make their real-world experience so engaging they won’t want to escape?"

For parents: How am I creating an environment that makes my child prefer digital spaces over the real world?

For ourselves: What is so unfulfilling about my present reality that I feel the need to escape into my phone?

For all humans: How can we join our kids on a journey into the AI or whatever-powered digital future instead of trying to stop them?

I know these aren’t comfortable questions. But did I ever promise this would be an easy read?